Painless, I think this thread has wondered enough that you won't mind if I throw this out for The Highlander, just to see if he's heard it before (either as verse or song) and if not, if it makes him laugh. It's a long piece to memorize, but once you got it down it's always a hit at the pub, and it's seen me through to many, many free beers. Of course, I do it with a great deal of charm.
A Scotsman, clad in Kilt
Did leave the bar one evenin' fair
And one could tell by how he walked
That he'd drunk more than his share
He stumbled 'round until he could
No longer keep his feet
Then staggered off into the grass
To sleep beside the street
Now about this time two young and lovely girls
Did happen by
And one says to the other
With a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman,
So strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true
What they don't wear beneath the kilt
So they crept up on that sleeping Scotsman
Quite as they could be
And lifted up his kilt
About an inch so they could see
And there, behold, for them to view
Beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with
Upon his birth
They marveled for a moment then one says
We must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend
Before we move along
And so they left a blue silk ribbon
Tied into a bow
Around that Bonnie Star
The Scotsman's kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to Nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes
Ah, Lad, I don' know where ya been ... But I see ya won First Prize!!
Yeah, I got too much time on my hands.
