Some of my best friends are- Comedians

[43rdRecceReg]

While the last half century has seen a quantum shift in societal attitudes towards tolerance, and inclusion; it's in the nature of a swing that it goes one way..and then the other, before it finally settles in the middle.
If you need evidence of how it's now going in 'the other' direction at the moment (the extreme intolerance of 'Liberals'), just try to be a 'stand-up' comedian for the night..
Konstantin Kisin (whose Grandparents had fled Soviet censorship) was offered a gig at London University's School of African and Oriental Studies, but first, the Snowflakes there demanded that he sign a 'behavioural agreement' :
"....The agreement states: "By signing this contract, you are agreeing to our no tolerance policy with regards to racism, sexism, classism, ageism, ableism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, xenophobia, Islamophobia or anti-religion or anti-atheism." ..................
https://news.sky.com/story/comedian-can ... t-11578850
He couldn't sign it.
Perhaps he could have gone back to the old formula, that many school playground jokes began with:
"There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman!" ... Nah...that couldn't work, because well,.... it excludes the Welsh.
What scares me is that 'snowflake' extremists like these will be running the country in the not so distant future
Now, where did I leave my ticklin' stick, Missus?

[43rdRecceReg]

Maybe this would get past the new censors. From the Elf and Safety point of view, be careful after those Brussels Sprouts:

Careful with that Methane Eugene

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Just for fun

[Son of a gun-ner]

Shouldn't we just call them sprouts now

After all, aren't you implying that people from Brussels are little green testicle like creatures.

I guess something like German speed bumps wouldn't be allowed in our modern world?

[43rdRecceReg]

Shouldn't we just call them sprouts now

After all, aren't you implying that people from Brussels are little green testicle like creatures.

I guess something like German speed bumps wouldn't be allowed in our modern world?

You do get around, Mick Are you one of those really weird collectors who went well beyond stamps, and the rest, and opted for World speedbumps?? We used to call them 'Sleeping Policemen'...but perhaps that should read: 'Sleeping Policepersons'.
I love spouts, by the way, but hate Marmite.

[Son of a gun-ner]

Everyone's got to have a hobby Roy

I dread the day of a zombie apocalypse, not for fear of having what little brains I have eaten, but because of all the zombie rights activists coming out of the woodwork. . . .

Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie, kept eating Brian's. . . .

[43rdRecceReg]

Everyone's got to have a hobby Roy

I dread the day of a zombie apocalypse, not for fear of having what little brains I have eaten, but because of all the zombie rights activists coming out of the woodwork. . . .

Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie, kept eating Brian's. . . .

Yes, but from the Spoonerism angle, it's lucky the zombie's name wasn't Friar Tuck

[Son of a gun-ner]

Used to get 'detention' for jokes like that..

Yeah, I can see why
Obvious now why you chose a different career path to your comedian friends

[43rdRecceReg]

ironic name for a soldier's final resting place:

Where we all end up...

Handy name for lost german soldier.jpg (25.03 KiB) Viewed 2149 times

[43rdRecceReg]

Some actual wartime jokes:
"When the RAF comes over, the Germans duck. When the Luftwaffe comes over, the Brits duck. When the USSAF comes over, everybody ducks."

“We call ourselves the Sixth Panzer Army because we’ve only got six Panzers left.” That’s a direct quote from Josef ‘Sepp’ Dietrich.


I found these on Quora.

[43rdRecceReg]

..and another, slightly more topical yarn:
"...In Germany, an elderly man decides to go visit his daughter & her family over the weekend. During his stay, he notices that his 18 year old grandson spends the majority of his time either sleeping or in front of his computer. Becoming quite concerned, he decides to have a talk with him before he is to leave to go back home.
"You really should get out more often, play sports, make friends, travel... perhaps meet a lovely young girl."
The grandson doesn't seem to take much interest in this.
The grandfather proceeds to tell him about his own days as a young man.
"When I was your age, my friends and I went to Paris. During the day, we toured around, taking in all the beautiful sights. At night we would drink, sing, fondle the young maidens' breasts and pinch their behinds. Sometimes before we left, we would anger the bar-keeps by urinating along their bar. Ah, we had a wild time!"
The grandson looks astonished and perplexed.
They then bid their farewells and the grandfather announces that he shall come back in a few weeks and hopes that in the meantime he takes his advice to heart. A few weeks later, the grandfather returns to find his grandson lying in bed with a broken arm, a broken nose, black eyes and multiple bruises.
"Good Lord! What happened to you!?" he asks.
"Well," says the grandson, "I thought about what you said and it indeed sounded like an adventure. So I decided to make the trip myself and follow in your footsteps."
The grandfather sighs "I see... and with whom did you go?"
"With a few friends…" answers the grandson...."
"Ah! That was your problem. When I went, it was with the SS!"