Terrible I know....

[43rdRecceReg]

How on Earth did he break his leg?

He struck up a relationship with a Parrot on Match.com. When the Parrot said: "Hmm., Pol., I've heard you're fond of a Cockatoo..!" .. he fell right off the perch..

[HERMAN BIX]

Oh good grief ............Im banning ALL of you

[forgebear]

Vodka Christmas Cake recipe

its almost that time

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Vodka
Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.

[wibblywobbly]

I'm a kleptomaniac.
The doctor told me to take something for it.

[wibblywobbly]

Or even....

Some guy just tried to sell me 8 legs of venison for 50 pounds.

I told him that was two deer.

[Aussie]

One thing I learnt about owning budgies , NEVER EVER vacume their cage out when their in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[43rdRecceReg]

Visual gags are terrible too, I know ...

Another type of Perch?

[jarndice]

I can't say that I have ever wanted to visit Venice in the Winter.
Shaun.

[wibblywobbly]

That made me chuckle. Very good.

[43rdRecceReg]

That made me chuckle. Very good.

I can also recommend 'Hitler rants' on Youtube. I particularly like the one where the Führer books a holiday in Yorkshire, although the rant about the 'Indian Call centre' tops that. I've not posted any direct links here to videos, as the language can get just a tad ..er..effing 'fruity'..shall we say.
Here's the portal though:
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_ ... itlerrants